One swallow allegedly does not make a summer. One football match does not make club owners rush out and spend millions of pounds on new players… or does it?

You may think the people who run the team you support are professional, sensible and rational. They don’t read social media, they don’t run a business based on the reactive, extreme opinions of supporters and they’re not going to let 90 minutes of late-summer action dictate transfer policy.

Ha! Wrong! They are absolutely panicking just as much as you are and, if they don’t get deals over the line before the window shuts on September 1, are fearing a bleak reality of being stuck with their current ragtag bunch of mopes until January.

If the team in question just lost 3-0 to a promoted club who only scored 58 goals in their 46 matches in the second-tier Championship last season (1.26 per game), then the glass of water on the dashboard is quivering, then there’s a T-rex in the rear-view mirror and they are about to run and panic-buy footballers like they’re going to all be extinct on September 2 (yes, The Athletic watched Jurassic Park the other day, thanks for asking).

So roll up for the (un)official panic at the Premier League disco rankings. We begin at smug.

20. Manchester City

City didn’t start their 2025-26 transfer business in June, they began it in January when buying Omar Marmoush, Abdukodir Khusanov and Nico Gonzalez. Summer signings Tijjani Reijnders, Rayan Cherki and Rayan Ait-Nouri have been there for more than two months too, and it showed on Saturday, as they sauntered to a 4-0 win at Wolves. Chilling. In both senses of the word.

19. Brighton

Is there a less panicky club in the Premier League? Well, yes, City, according to this list, but Brighton, despite that last-ditch equaliser from Fulham at the Amex on Saturday, are as chilled as an open-shirted Jeff Goldblum in a cucumber factory, having made their six signings before July 5. The epitome of relaxation.

18. Liverpool

Conceding four goals in two games against Crystal Palace and Bournemouth isn’t optimal, but the chances of the champions rushing into the market over the final two weeks appear slim when the Ryan Gravenberch-shaped hole they need to fill will be shortly filled by, well, Ryan Gravenberch. Plus, Hugo Ekitike looks the business. Alexander who?

Ryan Gravenberch’s return will soothe Liverpool (Carl Recine/Getty Images)

17. Sunderland

The opening weekend of Sunderland’s dreams will have given the club and their fans tangible optimism that they can buck a Premier League trend by avoiding the drop this season. Their signings looked good, plus the three scorers against West Ham were all part of the side that won promotion in May. New faces may still be needed, but zero panic yet (until they lose away to fellow newcomers Burnley on Saturday).

16. Bournemouth

They don’t come across as a panic-stricken club and despite losing 4-2 on the opening weekend, you can’t imagine Bournemouth are worried about the performance at Anfield or indeed the make-up of their squad, given they have mostly replaced the players who departed over the summer already.

15. Tottenham

It would have been very Spurs-like, or Spursy if you will, to play so well against Paris Saint-Germain in the Super Cup in midweek and then flunk it at home to one of the promoted sides. Instead, they beat Burnley comfortably. They are light on squad depth with James Maddison and Dejan Kulusevski sidelined, but with probably Eberechi Eze and possibly Savinho on the way in, Spurs look pretty well set.

14. Arsenal

Tottenham’s north London neighbours may already be done for the window. Sunday’s victory at Manchester United highlighted that Arsenal could probably do with a left-sided forward, but they knew that already.

13. Burnley

Just the 13 signings already this summer for Burnley, who, despite eventually losing 3-0 at Spurs, put up a pretty decent and encouraging display. I mean, yes, they need much better footballers than they have, but that’s not news, and they’re not going to attract them now.

12. Aston Villa

Having only signed one first-team player and losing Jacob Ramsey, Marcus Rashford, Marco Asensio and Axel Disasi (the latter three were there on loan) from last season’s squad, and with Leon Bailey seemingly off to Roma, Villa should be higher on the list in theory. But with such little wiggle room owing to PSR, literally what can they do?

11. Leeds

A massive opening win at home against Everton got Leeds up and running at Elland Road, but the way Monday night’s match panned out reinforced their pressing need for further attacking additions, given they controlled much of the game but needed a controversial late penalty to find the back of the net.

10. Newcastle

The signings of Malick Thiaw and the aforementioned Ramsey, coupled with a spirited performance in Saturday’s 0-0 draw at Villa, appear to have calmed things down after the Alexander Isak furore, which continues to rumble on. Newcastle, like Villa, are hamstrung. They know they need one striker. Two if Isak goes. Mild panic.

Alexander Isak’s future remains unresolved (George Wood/Getty Images)

9. Nottingham Forest

A week ago, they’d have been No 1 on this list – and a doubt-stricken Nuno Espirito Santo may feel Forest should still be higher – but easily beating Brentford and buying Omari Hutchinson, Arnaud Kalimuendo and James McAtee in recent days has eased their sense of desperation after a previously quiet summer.

8. Manchester United

Altay Bayindir’s wafty performance against Arsenal and the calamity potential of fellow goalkeeper Andre Onana (left out for selection reasons on Sunday, said head coach Ruben Amorim) might mean United (who tried to sign Villa’s Emiliano Martinez on loan earlier this summer) panic-buy at that position. They also surely need a central midfielder.

7. Brentford

The hopeless first-half performance when losing 3-1 at  Forest will be a serious concern, although they have Mikkel Damsgaard, Kevin Schade, Jordan Henderson and excellent new signing Dango Ouattara to come into the side. Still, with star forward Yoane Wissa on strike and so much other upheaval this summer, the panic button is within reach in Hounslow.

6. Chelsea

A club that has signed 49 senior players in three years at a cost of around £1.5billion is never far from buying someone, panic or no panic. If Enzo Maresca had his way, Chelsea would be steaming into the market for a centre-back following Levi Colwill’s long-term injury, but so far the club appear to be telling him to make do with the 12 senior defenders that remain available to him (No joke. That’s the real number). However, after mustering only three shots on target against Palace on Sunday, expect them to spend £70m on a new striker who’ll get a 12-year contract then be loaned to Strasbourg in January.

5. Wolves

In a weird way, their 4-0 home defeat by City didn’t turn the panic-o-meter up because the performance, before all the goals, was fairly encouraging. Straw-clutching? Yes. But Wolves knew they desperately needed additions before the season started, so in that respect, Saturday’s game changed nothing. Right-back Jackson Tchatchoua, officially Serie A’s fastest player last season, has come sprinting through the door this week, but more need to follow him — elsewhere in defence, in midfield and in attack. Maybe in goal too. Apart from that, though, no worries.

4. Fulham

Fuham’s only senior addition all summer long has been a backup goalkeeper, Benjamin Lecomte, despite the losses of Reiss Nelson and Willian from last season’s squad. A late equaliser to draw at Brighton on the opening weekend didn’t mask their need for new signings, with a pretty drab performance for the game’s first 95 minutes merely compounding their pretty desperate need for fresh blood.

3. Crystal Palace

It wasn’t the excellent point at Chelsea that will concern Palace fans, more the weird scenes afterwards with captain Marc Guehi ignoring manager Oliver Glasner to head down the tunnel and Eze possibly wishing the fans farewell. Palace need several new signings as it is, but lose Eze and/or Guehi and they’re in Michael Scott “Stay f***ing calm” mode.

Eberechi Eze looks set to leave Palace (Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)

2. West Ham

Jean-Clair Todibo, El Hadji Malick Diouf, Kyle Walker-Peters, Callum Wilson and Mads Hermansen represent decent, if slightly uninspiring, business but a 3-0 capitulation at promoted Sunderland has West Ham fans panicking about how utterly dreadful their 2025-26 team appear to be. When the club’s vice-chair is issuing a vote of confidence in the head coach after one match, you know it’s bad.

1. Everton

Between them, The Athletic’s Everton correspondent Patrick Boyland and their own manager David Moyes used phrases and words like “glaring issues”, “crying out for additions” and “desperate” after the 1-0 defeat at Leeds, during which they had one shot on target. Everton have started the season with two makeshift full-backs and, in Beto, a striker Moyes recently said he was “disappointed” with. They badly need a right-winger and a midfielder, too. Still, good news about the new stadium.

(Top photos: City’s Erling Haaland, left, and Jarrod Bowen of West Ham; Getty Images)