I finally get why it feels so good to be MAGA.

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I suppose I need to make it clear up front that I’m not much of a fan of Donald Trump. I don’t think I need to explain why either. There’s a good chance you reflexively understand the particularities of my distaste: the naked corruption, the antipathy for governmental function, the consistency with which he pays lip service to the darkest and strangest contingencies in the right-wing underworld. Mostly, though, I’ve just never loved the way Trump talks to, and about, other people. There is just something insecure about his approach. His macho barbs are always expressed via iPhone, and all carry the unmistakable stench of a guy coming up with what he wanted to say in an argument hours later, while stewing in the shower.

With all that said, these past few days have opened my eyes to some elements of Trump’s appeal. It turns out I can actually like the president—so long as he’s making fun of Elon Musk.

The ongoing Trump–Musk breakup has brought to light a truth lingering deep in my subconscious. You know when you watch the Super Bowl as a neutral fan and you can feel your brain tugging your body toward one side or another? That mysterious biophysical phenomenon that makes you a temporary Eagles fan? That sinister whisper in your ear? It’s happening right now. I want Trump to punk this dude. Shove him in a locker. Make him humble. Can we deport him? We should probably deport him. For the one and only time in my life, I have become MAGA—and it feels amazing.

Here’s a quick recap of the feud as it currently stands. Musk, after haphazardly dismantling countless organs of the federal government without even saving all that much money, exited his role in the White House to return to his business concerns. Reborn as a private citizen, Musk began criticizing the major Republican spending bill working its way through the bowels of Congress—specifically in regards to the trillions of dollars it will add to the national debt, obliterating what was DOGE’s raison d’être. (One sample post: “This spending bill contains the largest increase in the debt ceiling in US history! It is the Debt Slavery Bill.”) When those complaints were ignored, Musk’s attacks grew more personal and less centered on an ostensibly good-faith intraparty debate about monetary policy. Finally, in a fit of petulance on Thursday, Musk went below the belt: He claimed that the president wouldn’t have won the election without his financial assistance and that absent his sallow presence on the campaign trail, Democrats would have held on to their congressional majority too.

That was the kiss of death for Musk’s D.C. welcome. I genuinely cannot think of anything that will more effectively inspire the ire of Trump than the insinuation that he needed someone else’s help to succeed. So, yesterday, the president claimed that Musk had gone “crazy” and, with his classic knack for messy gossip, asserted that the tech baron had already worn out his welcome in the Oval Office by the time he scurried back to his Tesla duties. (The president also not so subtly threatened to rescind Musk’s government contracts, Harvard-style. Funny how DOGE never considered that idea?) Musk—as he often does—retorted by making a truly astonishing number of posts on X directed at the president, culminating with the charge that the reason his administration hasn’t released the illusory “Epstein files,” which almost certainly don’t exist, is because Trump was an associate of the disgraced financier, a fact we’ve long known. Hilariously, that allegation evoked a rare nondenial from the Trump camp; when confronted with Musk’s Epstein imputation, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt instead filibustered about how the president is committed to “making America great again.” Curious!

The breakup then simmered a bit, at least publicly. Politico reported that the two men might be brokering a ceasefire, and, my God, recovering a political alliance after playing the child molestation card is definitive proof that we all live in Bravoworld—and also in hell. But as of this morning, Trump hasn’t let up the attack, again saying that the CEO has “lost his mind” and that he isn’t interested in talking to him. Unbelievable. I’ve never seen an inner-circle mainstay get relegated to Zelensky status faster. Five months ago, Musk was proclaiming that he was literally in love with Trump! And I think that’s why I’ve found it so easy to root against him: Musk should have known better. Trump never changes. He is who he is, and that is terrible news for our country.

Musk, however, thought he could be the one to change Trump. He assumed his skills were up to the task—but he merely possesses a craven instinct to bend to the contours of power, a third grade understanding of the legislative process, and, most crucially, a ridiculously amplified estimation of his own likability. And, reader, it is those kinds of men that I love watching eat shit.

Imagine being Elon Musk and believing that Trump was keeping you around for your scintillating personality and bureaucratic acumen, and not because you are the richest man on the planet. Imagine being confronted with that uncanny laminated face in the mirror every day and still trusting that you have the verve and charisma to fire up a campaign rally. Imagine making the least funny tweets in the world, at all hours of the day, and thinking you could go toe-to-toe with Donald Trump, who—no matter what else I can say about him—is without a doubt one of the greatest posters in human history. (Elon’s tweets go viral because he owns the platform they’re on!) For months, Trump had to reassure this weird man, with shit vibes, that he was a crucial fixture of his government. Now he is gone, and I want the president to rain hellfire upon him. (The sooner he brings up the ketamine addiction, the better.)

For the past eight years, I have watched Trump deploy his prickly, petty rage upon the most vulnerable members of society, harnessing the country’s latent fury for the cruelest political objectives. So I must concede that it does feel great to draft in the glorious power of Trump’s disrespect when it serves my own interests. I finally get it, and that should be a teaching moment for the Democrats. Can’t someone in the party emerge as the locus for all of our haughty anger? Let me feel like this more often—I am begging you.

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